The Broken Hearted at the Holidays
There is Nothing More Whole Than a Broken Heart
—Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk
The High Holy Days are the most important days on the Jewish calendar. They also stand as a time of complex emotions for many of us. What should be a deeply meaningful time of reflection and gratitude, and spiritual renewal is often wrapped in the emotional upheavals we may be suffering or, perhaps, have been suffering, in the months leading up to the celebration of the New Year, and the meaningful intensity of Yom Kippur.
Unfortunately, many of us approach the holidays privately feeling the pressure of “just having to get through” a major family event, while quietly suffering with our losses, our disappointments, and our deep hurts.
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Facing the holidays after the loss of a loved one can be particularly difficult. Over my long career as a rabbi, I have had a great many conversations with people who are hurting. People who are suffering from a broken heart.
Oftentimes, this has led me to talk about the wise words of Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, a Hasidic leader who was known for his powerful insights into human nature and spirituality.
Rabbi Menachem Mendel famously said, "There is nothing more whole than a broken heart" "אין לך דבר שלם יותר מלב נשבר". He believed that when a person's heart is broken—from the pain of loss, or humiliation, or genuine repentance for bad decisions— that brokenness will bring us closer to God.
By embracing our imperfections and our sorrow, and especially our vulnerabilities, we can find strength that can lead us to become more open and compassionate, and more willing to see the beauty in life that we may have missed.
We can rebuild our lives, even after the worst of tragedies. Let your broken heart become an open heart.
In taking care of our broken hearts we open a pathway to growth, integrity, and divine connection. This creates a space for us to confront our sorrows with honesty, and with authenticity before God. It gives us a chance to find a “wholeness” that allows us to see the good and the bad, and to find a brighter path going forward.
We can rebuild our lives, even after the worst of tragedies. Let your broken heart become an open heart.
—Rabbi Merle E. Singer
But how do we do that? We can start by finding time to quiet our minds and create that space to heal. I am a believer in meditation and in the powers of music, fresh air, the beauty of nature, and prayer.
Some years ago, I created this video in a series on meditation. Here you will find guidance on how to quiet your mind, and how to listen to find peace and strength. These are simple ideas that may help you begin to see the “wholeness” in that which has been broken. It begins with the words of the Shema.
Let your broken heart become an open heart. Fill it with empathy and kindness to find your way to a whole heart, once again.
May the celebration of the High Holy Days bring you peace and comfort.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Merle E. Singer
Rabbi Singer is a sixth generation descendent of Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk.