The Powerful Words “I’m Sorry”

During the High Holy Days many of us spend time thinking about the things that happened this year, the joys and struggles we faced and what our hopes are for the future.

Then there is also the—perhaps troublesome issue— of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a central and significant aspect of Yom Kippur, the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement. It is a day of reflection, repentance, and seeking forgiveness from both God and the people in our lives.

Forgiveness can be a complicated matter.

Many of us have suffered the pain of broken relationships in this last year. Some of us may carry anguish that is rooted in arguments and disruptions from years or even decades past.

Is there ever a way to make our lives whole again? To set aside the anger and the pain to find a way to go forward? Can we ever find our way to peace in the face of tremendous hurt that exists because something “unforgivable” happened?

The words "I'm sorry" are so powerful that they bring me back to a moment at the White House that I will never forget, and have thought about often over the years.

In the fall of 1995 I was invited to attend a breakfast for religious leaders, hosted by President Clinton.  

In his remarks that morning, the President affirmed the need for religious tolerance and freedom when he addressed the issue of prayer in school.

“We made it clear that under our law, schools are not religion- free zones. We, simply, under the Constitution, prohibit the power of government through the schools to advance particular religious beliefs. But students can still pray individually or together, silently or aloud,” said President Clinton.

At this breakfast, I met a man who approached me after the President’s remarks. He spoke to me about his behavior during his youth and his years of guilt for his insensitivity and disrespect toward those of the Jewish faith, including making his Jewish classmates feel out of place during bible readings in class.

He chose me to listen to his apology. It was a profound moment. I was deeply moved by his need and his sincerity. He felt very bad about it and I was stricken by his sense of remorse, especially with the High Holy Days upon us and it being a time to overcome mistakes and seek atonement.

The man was President Bill Clinton.

He said, "I am sorry, Rabbi. I'm sorry for my ignorance and for my unthinking actions, and the words I spoke that were hurtful and not deserved.”

We all must find a way to relieve ourselves of our burdens, and even more, we must learn to forgive. 

First, we must learn to forgive ourselves. 

We must forgive ourselves for those things we may have done, or words we may have blurted in ignorance, or in of a moment of great pain or anger. 

We are not reading from scripts in these moments of high emotion. We say what we have to say. 

Often, we later regret those words that cause others pain.

We regret the words that have distanced us from those we love.

We regret the words and the actions we took that may be strong enough to break a relationship, or destroy a family.

During these precious and meaningful days of the High Holy Days, and especially at Yom Kippur, we need to think about how we can go forward.

If we forgive ourselves, we may find a path to forgive those who have hurt us.

Perhaps that hurt was never intended. Perhaps there is a way to put it in the past.

The words “I’m sorry” have the power to change your life.

September 8, 1995. The Sun Sentinel

Sept. 9, 1995. The Sun Sentinel