A Thanksgiving Message
The ideal view of Thanksgiving comes to us in television ads for grocery stores. We see happy families, smiling children and perfectly prepared food. Everyone is laughing, visiting children run into loving arms, and everyone is thrilled to be with one another.
What we don’t see is the stress behind the smiles— the cook who is frantic because the turkey didn’t get into the oven on time, or because the favorite table cloth got ruined in the last family dinner. In those TV ads we also don’t see the bracing for the visitors: the child who throws a fit because the gravy touched the carrots on his plate, the crabby aunt who never has a good time at any family party, and your cousin, the outspoken political junkie who never resists an opportunity for a debate.
If this sounds a bit like your home during the holidays, rest assured that you are not alone. As our country has become divided in recent years, so too, have many families come to feel the misery of division. It is time to move forward and find peace.
Photo by Merle E. Singer
Make this a Thanksgiving celebration where you make new happy memories. Tell stories about not just what you are thankful for, but about people who are no longer with you. Talk about the funny moments you shared or tell a story about what you learned from someone who was very special to you. Find your common ground.
Sharing stories is at the heart of Jewish tradition. By sharing them in a family gathering, we not only keep memories alive, we honor those who came before us and help the younger ones learn about our family history and the importance of maintaining our traditions. Now, more than ever, I would encourage you to calm the waters. Be mindful that you can bring a determined effort to bring peace to your Thanksgiving table.
Singer family photo collection
While Thanksgiving is not a holiday on the Jewish calendar, its themes of gratitude, connection, and reflection resonate profoundly with our Jewish values and overlap with Christians, Muslims and others. We all share the same dreams and love for family and community.
In our tradition as Jews, hakarat hatov—recognizing the good—teaches us to pause and acknowledge the blessings in our lives. Thanksgiving offers us an opportunity to do just that, to not only fill our plates but to share them. When we reflect on the bounty before us, we honor the sacrifices of those who came before us—our parents, grandparents, and ancestors—whose hard work and dedication laid the foundation for the comforts and blessings we enjoy today.
This gratitude, however, must go beyond words. It calls us to action, challenging us to think of others and how we might help them. This Thanksgiving, in particular, I would encourage you to seek out the lonely and the isolated.
Be patient and understand the power of being empathic.
Give something of yourself to find the happiness you seek.
—Rabbi Merle E. Singer
Sit down with them and listen to their story. The aunty you think is so crabby might just be hard of hearing, or she might be in pain. She might feel she has become irrelevant, feeling that while the sea of conversation swells, she sits alone, cast to the side on the shore. Why? Because having a conversation with her takes effort and patience. Could you be the one to help her find something to smile about?
As we come together this year, I encourage you to be fully present—to savor the joy of loved ones gathered, to recognize the blessings you have accumulated in your life, and to consider how you can share your abundance with those in need. The Giving Tree of Temple Beth El has been a central part of our family for over thirty years. I hope you will make it part of your family life as well. Make Thanksgiving not only a day of gratitude but a day of action, honoring the past and embracing the sacred responsibility of caring for one another.
I have many blessings to count in looking back over my life. As a Thanksgiving gift to my family, I am sharing a video I made some years ago that includes family films, some funny scenes, and some special moments in our family history. I hope you enjoy it.
May your Thanksgiving be filled with joy, connection, and a sense of purpose. From my family to yours, chag sameach.
—Rabbi Merle E. Singer