A Letter to My 18-year-old Self
Some years after I retired, I joined a creative writing course that I particularly enjoyed. I didn’t keep much of that early work, but I did keep this one item that I share with you today. Our assignment was to think about who we were when we were in our younger years, and write a letter of advice.
I found it to be an interesting, if somewhat humbling, assignment.
Have your ever written such a letter to yourself? If not, I encourage you to give it a try.
As we take stock of all of the things that we look forward to in 2026, I would suggest that taking a look back, may also be something that can bring you peace and perhaps even a smile as you go forward into the adventures of a fresh new year.
A LETTER TO MY 18-YEAR-OLD SELF
Dear Merle,
You're pretty cocksure of yourself, aren't you? Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. You'll be an adult soon enough - so enjoy youth while you can, but be careful.
You're about to go off to college and I know you don't yet think much of the challenge that faces you. So far, whatever you've wanted, you got. Sometimes, because you worked for it, other opportunities came just because you "showed up."
Oh, I know you feel you deserve to get what you want because that is the way you were raised. They call that feeling "entitlement." I wish I could prepare you for the disappointments that are in store for you; for entitlement goes only so far.
You don't yet know it, but school is going to be an almost insurmountable challenge. Remember your 7th grade teacher and what she said about your academic future: "Merle you'll be lucky to graduate vocational high school! But no, you remember the guidance counselor who encouraged you: "There is nothing wrong with following your dreams, Merle, nothing wrong with hitching your wagon to a star..." But you were right with your thinking: "If I don't catch a star, at least I will learn to fly..."
There will be a lot of stars that you will go for and never catch. As much as you do not want to hear it, it will not always be easy to fly away to catch another "star," and you won't always have soft landings. But keep dreaming anyway, Merle.
Another thing, my good friend, you have been raised in a family with an unbelievably strong work ethic - guard well, for this work ethic along with natural abilities yet to be discovered - will help you achieve much. But be prepared to fail too. And when you do fail be ready with "Plan B": "It's the adjustment we make to what actually happens to us that makes or breaks our life." With the agility and flexibility of a ballet dancer may you be able to change directions and begin anew.
You will hear lot of talk about the role of "Luck" in being successful: If you work long and hard enough you may be lucky to end up in the "right" place at the "right" time.
But I have to tell you, luck is not all that is needed to be successful, most important is to be smart enough to recognize that you are in the "right" place and the time is "right"... Otherwise you will miss the opportunity. Remember to keep trying. As trite as it may sound, winning is not so much in finishing first, second or third; instead winning is in trying and trying again every time you fall or are pushed to the ground...
Yes, young man, persistence does pay off, so be stubborn. Go out each day and earn your entitlement.
One day you will marry and have children of your own... In raising your own family you will learn — hopefully not with too severe or high a price — that the ultimate way to grow closer bonds and encourage your children is by "letting go."
Good luck in learning that lesson... but as sure as I am writing this, and as sure as you are a naive 18-year-old who feels he can control all that happens in his life, you will be tested, and learning to "let go" will be the heart of your happiness.
Good Luck - you'll need it.
Your older and wiser self
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Merle E. Singer